Choosey Choosers Choose.

I rarely know what I want and I really know what I want. I don’t know what man I want, but I do know I want strawberry ice cream with fresh raspberries while I’m figuring that out. I call this confused bi-polar process my life. There are times when I can make what I call “Executive Decisions” where I take charge and make things happen. Then there are other times I just want to be told who, what, where and when. Don’t get me wrong it can be fun to be the girl who’s in the know and has all the answers to every question, but sometimes I just feel confused about life and what I’m doing. Even though I like to take charge of the wheel there are still times I enjoy being a passenger.
But there must be a time when we each take hold of the reins and create our path, leaving behind the other choices. In making just one, we commit ourselves to that road until its’ completion or a divulging path reveals itself for another choice to be made. However, if we choose this road less traveled is never an easy one, and at times the fear of failure is bitterly daunting. Could Frost have been wrong in his choice? Is fear enough to keep us in the status quo? Can it be used for our betterment, or will it stop us dead in our trailblazing tracks?
It seems like the smaller the decision the simpler the choice, but coming to terms with the seemingly overly important big life decisions can be too scary to choose. Some people have their lives clearly laid out and others take a more eclectic approach, such as myself. On the other hand, I find envy creeping into my chaotically arranged life, when I see those who have finished school, who have the perfect job, or home or even at times love. And even though I have some very conservative values I often make very un-conservative choices. So where can I find the balance of taking control and letting go?
A gem of a time to find me most confused about choices is when I’m in fear of making a mistake. Or of choosing too quickly and thus revoking all further choice opportunities. What if there were no mistakes? Could we simply accept that we are who we are and must love ourselves as is? But what price does the ‘as is’ really amount to?
However the calculations figure the result is the same: I’m still me and what I may or may not want is still me too. Embracing the dichotomy of the process can only strengthen my choice whenever I have made it, whether for dating purposes or flavor options. And I believe that in accepting the fact that sometimes I’m not sure of myself, I’ll understand who I am much better. Making the ‘as is’ portion of me, which is all of me, a much more pleasant choice to make.